you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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