Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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