We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
