You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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