A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
