im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
