lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
