i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
