oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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