hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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