people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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