Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize