i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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