I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
