my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think my moral compass just broke
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
