Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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