Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
