I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
