Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
