I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
