covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
