I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
