My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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