shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
