the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
