tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize