they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize