i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
