So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's official drugs can't kill me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
