It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
