Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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