My first STD was from a foam party
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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