After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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