The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
