i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
vagina is talking i cant
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
