So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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