Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you win again, gameday.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
