i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
