Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
