Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
