you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
