WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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