i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
