also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
