i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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