im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
