omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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