butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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