chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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