Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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