I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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