idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
