There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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