soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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