Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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