Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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