No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
