Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
