I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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