My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
