I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just found a bag of teeth...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
