oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
