You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
