Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
