He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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