My hand turned me down
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
