I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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