How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
