so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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