so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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