I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
