I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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