I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
