there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
