yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
