Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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