Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
