this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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