im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
