I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
