Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
