cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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