Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
