i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
