i think my mom watched the whole time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
