Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
well you can't waste a boner
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
