well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
