And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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