i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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