I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
