You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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