I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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