i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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