I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
