clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
