Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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