Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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