I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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