Can i not drive my cunt home
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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