Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
