You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
